My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
