I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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