im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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