ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
