Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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