did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
