There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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