Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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