I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
