i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
