Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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