Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize