i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
