I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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