this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
