ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
