Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
