in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
