Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
