M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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