good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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