So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
did you just send me my own nude
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
