she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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