trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
