I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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