Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
