oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Randomize
