it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
