i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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