College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
