its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
