I got chris browned last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
