How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
