Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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