Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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