why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
