So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Couch. On fire.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
