she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I believe in your delicious
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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