Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
