I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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