hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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