Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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