Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
