WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
