Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
