dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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