So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
