yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
