Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
