I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
These tits shall not be calmed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
