I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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