I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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