I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
