The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
