dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
