Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
