: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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