yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
that may or may not have been my penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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