Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
