in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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