I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
40s are totally the cure
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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