so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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