everyone is single if you try hard enough
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
